Wicked On Earth
by WickedBrony
Summary: Fiyero, Elphaba, Glinda, Dr. Dillamond, and his lovely wife, have come down to earth to start life anew. Just one problem... their teenage guide, Lorelei, doesn't know where to start! It's up to the readers to figure it out! My second fanfic!


**Disclaimer: If I owned Wicked, this would be submitted to a publisher by now**

A girl, someone about 14 years old, tapped her foot impatiently. She looked around. There still wasn't anyone there. Suddenly, the first person appeared.

"You're late." the girl said to the witch in front of her.  
>"Sorry, Glinda was starting to have second thoughts." Elphaba explained.<br>"Well, excuse me!" A short, blond girl suddenly appeared next to her best friend. "You try leaving the country where everyone loves you! Family, friends, random citizens... at least your survival depended on leaving! Mine didn't!"  
>"You went anyway!" Elphaba pointed out.<br>"Elphaba has a point." The third, unidentified girl pointed out. "Now, if I'm correct, there are three others in your party?"  
>"A party! Where?" Glinda asked.<br>"So she really is this blond?" said the U.A.G (Unidentified Annoyed Girl)  
>"Unfortunately. To answer your question, yes, you are correct. There is my boyfriend, my old college professor, and his wife." said Elphaba.<p>

"So I'm just your boyfriend? No special adjectives to describe me?" said the boy who appeared next to her.

"Well, you are a good kisser." The two started to lean closer.

"Hey! You two keep it PG." The U.B.A.G (Unidentified But Amused Girl) said.

"What's P...P...PG?" asked the sixty year old man who just appeared.

"It has to do with movie ratings." said the girl.

"M...M...Movie?" said the sixty year old woman who appeared next to her husband. "W...W...Why..."

"Is it so cold?" said the girl. "As you know, you have changed from Goats to humans. And humans, if you haven't noticed, don't have fur that makes everything feel twenty degrees warmer. So while it's nice, fifty-two degree weather to everyone else, it should feel like cold, thirty-two degree weather to you two."

"Now you t...t...tell me!" Mrs. Dillamond said. "D...d...did you know t...t...this would happen!" She asked her husband.

"Well, m...m...maybe something along these lines." said Dr. Dillamond. "But not to this d...d...degree!"

"L...l...like that c...c...cake batter incident?" said Mrs. Dillamond.

"I told you I was sorry!" said Dr. Dillamond, suddenly over his shivering bout, "At least twenty times!"

"Well, not enough!" Said Mrs. Dillamond, also over her bout "The kitchen was a wreck!"

"How many times do I have to apologize?" asked Dr. Dillamond

"Are they always like this?" asked the U.G (I think you've figured it out)

"Wait for it..." Sure enough, the good Doctor and the Missus were interlocked in some serious French kissing before Fiyero finished the sentence.

"Hey! Now, while I appreciate the fact that you two are still into each other in a world that's pushing divorce lawyers to give dating couples their cards, you two are also going to keep it PG!" said U.G. "Even if you are married."

"Can't you raise it a little?" Mrs. Dillamond asked.

"No. Besides, I need you to pay attention." said U.G

"Fine. But we'll continue when you're not around." said Mrs. Dillamond

"Agreed." said Dr. Dillamond.

"Alright. So..." said U.G "Let's get this show on the road! My name is Lorelei, and I'll be showing you around this wonderful world called earth! I'll teach you the basics of getting around America without standing out. Since you got rid of anything that would make you stand out physically, I'll teach you everything else! Starting, of course, with names."

"Names?" said Glinda.

"Yes, names." said Lorelei. "Your names are to Ozian. They stick out like a sore thumb. Plus, there is the book and musical to think about. Well, except for you, Mrs. Dillamond. You're not mentioned in either. But you're married to someone who is."

"I still don't get why I'm not mentioned!" said Mrs. Dillamond. "Where in Oz do people think Elphaba hid? And furthermore..."

"You need to stop saying 'Where in Oz' and start saying 'Where on Earth'. Plus, Elphaba Thropp no longer exists. From this moment on, she is Mary Davies." said Lorelei.

"_MARY_!" said Elphaba

"It doesn't stick out." said Lorelei. "Now, then, Mary, you are dating Carl Butcher..."

"Who's Carl?" asked Fiyero.

"Anyone need any more explanation as to why he's the Scarecrow?" asked Lorelei.

"Nope." said everyone except Fiyero, who finally caught on that _he_ was Carl Butcher.

"Mary, Carl, you're both good friends with Sarah Brooks..." said Lorelei

"Wow, Earth names are weird." said Glinda.

"And I think everyone knows John and Hannah Smith. Hannah, your maiden name was Anderson."

"John?" Dr. Dillamond obviously did not like the sound of his new name.

"_Hannah!"_ Neither, apparently, did Mrs. Dillamond.

"Well, that takes off the formal introductions. Now for the actual teaching you about Earth, and the more specific American, way of life. Oh...Wow...There's so much to teach you, I don't know where to start..." said Lorelei.

**And that's where you come in, wonderful readers! Leave in your review what you think our Ozian friends should learn first!**

**Glinda: Like why your names are so weird!**

**Mrs. Dillamond: Oh, hush. Sarah is better than Hannah.**

**Lorelei: Please review soon. Also leave in your review whether or not we should allow any vegetarians in our group!**

**Dr. and Mrs. Dillamond: Please say yes.**

**Lorelei: Oh, hush. No one's making you eat goat. Besides, only three percent of Americans are vegetarian. Anyway, review!**


End file.
